I Am Not a Unicorn. I Am a Gamer.

I realized earlier this year that 2017 marks 20 years that I’ve been playing video games. My siblings and I would play Super Mario World after school in the back of our mom’s store while she worked. When we upgraded to the Nintendo 64, I picked up first-person shooters like GoldenEye 007 and Turok: Dinosaur Hunter. We bought the original Xbox when it released in 2001 and I got an account for Xbox Live when the service was first released in 2002. I’ve been gaming online for 15 years.

For a twelve-year-old girl to be playing first-person shooters on Xbox Live at that time, I experienced, first-hand and frequently, the power that anonymity gives teenagers online. It wasn’t pretty. I was called every terrible name you’ve heard, propositioned by boys who were probably much older than me, taunted with rape jokes, and harassed in more ways than one. It was upsetting, degrading, and I developed a very acute fear of using voice comms or giving away my gender online. I lived in secret, like a witness protection gamer.

When I was about 15, I joined an online clan of women who were all Halo players. It was such a huge relief to be able to play games with other girls, knowing that they wouldn’t scream at me if I screwed up or call me a bitch for ignoring their friend request. I’m grateful to them for providing a place where a teenager interested in online gaming felt safe and respected.

Now, at nearly 27 years old, my full-time job is playing video games. Every day, for 8+ hours, I livestream video games for an audience. I’ve worked with some of the biggest game developers and tech companies in the world, been featured on stages and panels at conventions, raised money for charity through gaming — Hell, I’ve been invited to the White House to play games.

Over time, I’ve absolutely seen a vast improvement in people’s attitude toward women who game online but there is still work to do. Of course, the problem is rooted in how our society shapes the way women are viewed in real life which is a much larger problem than can be addressed in one blog post. The world at large has a lot of improvements to make, but I’d like to talk about some things specifically related to trends and problems I see on a daily basis, as a Twitch streamer.

Women : You are changing the world by simply existing.

How easy is that? There’s this weird misconception that women are a rarity online. I think this stems from women who, much like 12-year-old me, were harassed or otherwise abused online and have lost their voice or had it taken from them.

A woman with a voice is by definition a strong woman. But the search to find that voice can be remarkably difficult.
— Melinda Gates

If you are a woman who games online, you’re killin’ it. Keep it up. Don’t get discouraged by negative interactions online. Stand up and be counted, make your voice heard.

If you’re a woman in the tech industry or developing games — killin’ it. Thanks for being our inside woman. Keep encouraging your fellow developers to treat women with respect. Reach out to young women interested in tech and game development, lift them up.

If you’re a woman on Twitch who likes watching streamers — killin’ it, proud of you. Thanks for taking time out of your day to watch Twitch streamers, regardless of gender, and supporting this world of online entertainment through video games. We love you.

If you’re a woman on Twitch who streams — super killin’ it. Don’t stop. Give everyone a run for their money. Get paid to play games. Make your mark. Laugh it up when people try to give you a hard time. Work your ass off and show the world what you’re made of, especially the people who doubt you.

Some Things We Can Improve, Together

1: Being a good person should never be discouraged.

I think a lot of guys are afraid of standing up for women online because other guys will accuse them of being a “white knight”. I’ve seen it happen countless times to my viewers.

Boy A says something disrespectful directed at me.
Boy B tells Boy A he’s being rude.
Boy A laughs at Boy B and tells him he’s “white knighting”.

Honestly, men should be more offended by this than women. Boy A and people like him are essentially saying that Boy B is incapable of seeing a woman as a human being and that his sole motivation for ever being a nice person is whether or not he could potentially get laid. Boy As around the world are telling you that you’re not in control of yourself. Anyone who responds to you standing up for another human being with “white knight” comments is just proving that they think men can only see women in a singular, objectifying manner. They’re basically just admitting that they think every guy wants to sleep with every girl and that guys are incapable of simply thinking it’s morally right to be respectful and kind toward one another without having some surreptitious ulterior motive.

Don’t let them stop you from being a good person. Stand up for other people when it’s right. Be willing to accept the sneers of lesser men in favor of being a good man. Make Captain America proud.

2: Don’t freak out when you encounter a woman online.

Maybe you’ve somehow managed to never encounter a woman in games online. I doubt that’s possible, but let’s just say it’s true. For the love of all the gods, old and new, don’t blurt out “Oh god is that a girl? Are you a girl?”

Nothing makes me feel more unwelcome or singled out than someone feverishly demanding I admit the fact that, yes I’m a woman. I’ve accepted precisely zero of the friend requests from guys who have confronted me about my gender, like they’re seeing a unicorn riding a bantha on the way to Mordor. I love when I talk in a game online and no one freaks out that a girl is playing video games; special shoutout to all the guys in my games who haven’t flipped out when I said something in voice comms, you did good.

One of my other pet peeves is when a new viewer joins my stream’s chat and immediately tries to compliment me by saying “FINALLY a girl streamer who’s not like those other girl streamers.” Please note : if you feel like you’ve not encountered female streamers online who you respect, you need to keep looking. I am not the only one, I promise you — there are many women whom I admire and whose channels deserve a view.

3: Consider who you’re really insulting when you try to insult women online.

I think people see successful male streamers and don’t give their success a second thought. They automatically assume that they worked hard to achieve what they’ve created and they’re probably right. I have a huge amount of respect and admiration for the guy streamers I’ve met who work hard every day for their success. But I also think some people put women at a negative starting point by assuming that any successful female streamer they see is simply relying on her gender to get ahead. They don’t afford me and women like me the same automatic assumption — they don’t think we worked hard to find success. They think it was handed to us.

“People only watch because you’re a girl.”

Here’s the thing that should concern you — sexism hurts you too, boys. People going around saying that men don’t see women as people who can work hard makes men sound like assholes. Someone suggesting that men are only capable of thinking about women in a sexual way makes men sound like barbarians. The people who are trying to insult women by saying “People only watch because you’re a girl” are disrespecting you and indirectly accusing you of objectifying women. It’s in your best interest to change that discussion and to shut it down — to demonstrate that men can see women as human beings, which I know you can and do.

Expressing bigoted ideas says more about you than the person you’re directing them at.

“People only watch because you’re a girl.”

I’m not insulted by that. But you should be.

Today is International Women’s Day.

I’ve been seeing a lot of posts online about women and, because of my circle of peers, women in gaming specifically.

Thank you to all of the people who tagged me in appreciation posts and to everyone celebrating the women they know and respect online. Thank you to everyone who watches my channel who sees me as simply a human being who entertains rather than a “girl gamer”. Thank you to all the women at Twitch and other gaming companies who are working to improve the landscape of streaming and gaming for women everywhere. Thank you to all the guys who already have a healthy attitude toward women both in streaming and gaming — thank you for using your voice to support us.

I’m proud to be a gamer and these past two decades have seen a monumental amount of change, mostly for the better. I’m incredibly grateful to the women who came before me, who laid the groundwork for me to be where I am today. My goal is not to be the “#1 Female Streamer” or the voice for all women online, but simply to do my part to make the world of gaming a better place for the women who come after me.

Get out there and kick some ass.